`love me cause i love you.

I am so angry now that Im literally shaking. My brother's a pain in the ass. That stupid old annoying faggot. What's his problem anyway? So what if he's the older child. I mean being the older child does not gives him the right to bully me. My parents always want me to be as good as him. Do they even know that its not even easy being yourself? Let alone being others. How about putting them in my shoes? How would they feel? Being overshadowed by your older sibling. Okay I must admit that Im a jealous kid since young. Im the one who's filled with jealousy and hatred. Like whatever, I dont give a damn. Whats with my brother throwing my things and tearing my magazines apart. Not happy then dont read my magazines la. All these years Ive been using MY pocket money to buy them, and since when did you use your money to buy magazines? Ha. Loser. Dont touch my stuffs and my beloved magazines. Yes, so what if I like reading magazines. Is that my problem or yours? Go away. You're disgusting, I dont like you. One thing people always say, parents love all their kids equally. What shit is that? My father definitely love my brother more than me. My mother, nah I dont know. I think she dote on her god-daughter more. No one loves me cause I the ugly kid. No one has ever seen my ugly side. Im an angry kid. No one cares for me. Well, maybe there's my grandma and my godma who's my second aunt. I know they care&love me. But my grandma has already passed. Means there's one person less who care&love me. I know there's godma but she stays all the way in yishun and I dont call her daily nowadays. Like only occasionally we'll talk or meet up. I feel like crying.. Okay its not my fault that my tears automatically dropped from my eyes. Whatever. Anyway its true that my parents love my brother more than they love me. He is their pride who they can show off to people. He's the one getting top 10 in level consecutively for 3 years or was it 4 years straight? The one who gets money for being such a smartass from government every year. My parents never ever go to my school's stuffs or whatever, they only attend my brother's school's stuffs. Bet motivational camp next year is not going to be anything special to me cause I know my parents will not be attending. Oh well. Im always the one getting scold and everything. Or maybe the whole thing from the beginning is my fault. I dont belong here anyway. Whatever. When can I ever do my parents proud?
See? Told you Im a jealous girl. You cant change me. I am who I am and I am what I am. You cant force me to do things I dont want to do. You cant force me to be someone who Im not. I never get anything I wanted. Ugh, whatever.

Letting out the noise inside of me.
Every window pane is shattering.
Cutting up my words before I speak.
Way away away from here I'll be.
Way away away so you can see.
He had everything and more.
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please.
It used to be so hard being me.
Living in the shadow of someone else's dream.
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me.
Living in a nightmare, a never ending sleep.
Dont feel sorry for me.
All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best.

Anw, I received a message from Qian Ying just now saying that we got back our locker. Yay!! Except that we wont be getting back our old lockers. So where is locker 531? I hope its on the first floor. Ha.